Thursday, January 21, 2010

There was an old woman..

Who stood behind me in Big W and proceded to tell me her life story. She was 87, it was a long story lol. She saw me wrangling my three youngest as we waited in a line that dwarfed the Great Wall of China. She told me that she had four sons, I told her I had five, she told me I must be very strong because God only gave sons to very strong women, so to get five of them meant that I was in the running to rip Cratos' title right out from under him. I told her that sometimes I thought God had a really sick sense of humour.

Then I told her what I really thought of having five boys. She started glancing at security and backing away slowly. (<--That was actually a Scrubs moment. It didn't really happen)

She was a lovely old Dear. She told me she had buried her son last year, he was 67 when he died. I thought of how odd it would be to die at age 67 and have your Mother attend your funeral. Not that you'd know, you'd be dead of course, but still, it would be strange. Then she told me that she raised her great grand daughter who was 20 now and had pretty much run off to join the circus. She said she had to raise her great grand daughter from birth because the childs Mother was '"Nothing but a crack whore bitch." LOL I amost choked. She did say that in a whisper that only her and I could hear but she still shocked me with her language!

Next she showed me what she was purchasing. Two nice new pairs of undies. Big ones! "But Oh they're really confortable!" she said LOL. She had one black pair and one white pair. I was about to blurt out, "Oh yeah, gotta love the big Granny undies!" but then I remembered who I was talking to and just gave her a smile and a nod. She held them up and then shoved them in my face so I could get a REALLY good look at them. I wasn't sure what she wanted, maybe a score out of ten? But I just admired her new knickers as much as one can without bursting into laughter and handed them back to her.

Then she held my hand and started patting it which she continued to do the whole time I was talking to her LOL. She told me that the shirt she was wearing came from an OP shop, and that there really was nothing wrong with OP shopping you know, "You can get so many bargains there! Look at my pants, they're from the OP shop too. You'd never be able to tell unless I told you first." I told her I completely agreed and that I thought she looked lovely.

After about 73 days we finally reached the end of the line. By this stage my boys had grown fur and a long tail and were wildly climbing anything stupid enough to remain still so I said goodbye and made a hasty retreat to the check out. I saw her as she left the store. She was with a very elderly gentleman, her Husband I assume, unless she was having an affair. They were standing in front of each other, smiling... both admiring the new nickers that she was holding up.

I only hope I'm as spritely and talkative when I'm 87 as she was, and that my day can still be brightened just by purchasing two new pairs of extra large grundies. One black, one white.

1 comment:

  1. PMSL! That is the BEST old lady story I have ever heard! It's good to see old ladies who grow old without turning into bitter, twisted, grumpy old bags.